House Rules

Do you remember when you went to the super market with your family and you wanted something and asked if you could have it, but the answer was no?

Do you remember when you found out a cousin did something and you wanted to talk about it but you always got that look from your mom that meant, "Don't you even dare"?

There is something about those kind of experiences that just ends up embedded in your system doesn't it?

Here's an activity, take out a sheet of lined paper. Emphasis on lined. I want you to write down all the rules you grew up with, both the spoken rules and the unwritten rules. And for the youth I want you to write down the rules that are spoken and unwritten in your home currently.

Have fun with this activity, put exclamation marks, emojis, make this list fun, even if some of the rules cause you to get a little uneasy.

Once you start you will find that there is so much more you could write, or so much more that you don't even remember. You'll also find rules that you really like or liked, and some rules you absolutely dislike or disliked. Now I am not telling you youth that you can show this to your parents as a manifesto and say, "I like these but I'm not going to follow these," nope that is not the point of this activity.

I want you to dig deep, think, "why did I have this rule?" "Why do I like this one?" "Why do I dislike that one?" Take this time to have a personal reflection. When you "grow up" and have a family of your own, you are going to bring your house rules with you, and so will your spouse. (You'll also find that before you get married you will have a similar but not an in-depth conversation about this subject.) Together you will be finding which rules you share in common, and which rules you didn't share in common. Then the tricky but fun part, which rules will make up your house rules, and which won't make the cut. You will also be coming up with rules of your own, and alterations of ones you are already used to. And these rules will transform over time as your kids get older, at least some of the rules will.

This activity is one that you can carry with you for a lifetime. It is a good way to remember memories, evaluate yourself, and also see where your family is at. You could even try this activity with your future children, see what they have to say about it, you'll have a laugh about it.

Now, a few notes on something I truly believe. Sometimes at our young age we think that rules are so restrictive. We have so many limits and boundaries right. We can't do anything we want right. It isn't fair right.
No my friends, these things that I have used as examples are not true.
We can't think that way.
I am a firm believer that rules are to keep us safe, help us become better people, and they do not limit us.
Now I am using the term "rules" loosely here, because I am referring more to Commandments. Commandments do not limit us nor restrict us, they actually make us free.
Free from what you ask, evil, mistakes, and places we don't want to end up in.
Now we don't need to do wrong to know it is wrong, sometimes this happens when we make mistakes, but this doesn't mean we have to make the mistake to know something is wrong. I know I just went in a circle, I just want to make sure it sticks in your mind.

The rules at home, whether spoken or unwritten are to keep us safe and steady. They also teach us accountability and responsibility. The rules should teach us the expectation, the consequence, and the reward. It isn't rocket science. And you will find that as you start your own family, you will have a better understanding about rules, even when you choose the ones that will become your house rules, and which ones will not make the cut. Make it worthwhile, and remember that these things were made for your good, and you will want to do the same for your children. You want to make sure that they understand what is expected, but that they also know that they are loved and protected by you the parents.

Just Breath: How many Children will I have?

Hello my Friends, it is a privilege to engage in this discussion with you.

I can see you sitting there at your desk, or in these pews, or in the library,

or in your youth Sunday school classroom and the teacher has just asked

you to make your goals for the next 25 years. Young people all over, have

to consider the most important of questions. One of them lurking around in

there is the question, “how many kids do I want to have?”

This question comes in many forms.

“How many kids do I want to have?”

“How many kids will I have?”

“Should I even have any kids?”

Here is a little secret. Just Breath. I want you to relax. Take in a deep breath

if you have to. I even want you for a second to forget about the pressure that

some will give you when they ask, “so when are you going to have kids?” or

“how many kids are you going to have?” (Another form of that question.)

Those decisions will come in time, but it isn’t supposed to be number 172 on your

bucket list, “Oh yeah, I’ll have kids someday.” No. This is not the attitude I want you to

walk out of here today in Family Relations 101. I want you to walk away calm enough to

understand the importance of having children in your life. I won’t dictate your life,

or tell you how many kids you should have. That it is not my job, my job is to help

you understand the principle, and then you and your future spouse, and especially

the Lord can help you make that important decision.

Now that I got your attention let’s dive in together on this subject.

Around the world today there has been a huge discussion on two things,

“Global Warming,” no I’m just kidding, if you want to know about that I am not

the right person to talk to. The two things are, “overpopulation,”

or the other side of the facts, “depopulation.” Both have crept into society, our homes,

and sadly our own beliefs. When I was in middle school it was all about overpopulation.

One day the world was going to have too many people,

and there would not be anything left for us. Even in the movies this was a popular idea.

Now this week in college I come to learn that, according to the statistics, we may be

heading into the direction of depopulating the planet. Friends, this should not in the

least concern you.

Yes one day you will be faced with the question(s), “When will I have kids?”

and “How many am I going to have?” These are to be looked at as

thought provoking questions, not the “end of the world” kind.

These are not to provoke fear or self-doubt, but opportunity and responsibility.

When I was going to get married, there was a lot of talk about “giving up.”

Are you ready to give up your life, your own time,

your future to a committed

relationship? This topic continued after being married.

What I have been able to learn is this thus far my young friends,

It is not about what I am giving up, rather it is what I am willing to give.

When I give my all to my Marriage, to my Family, that is beyond “worth it.”

The same is with having children. It isn’t about what I’m giving up,

sure it may play a role, but it is more about, what I am I going to give,

so that this child, so that these kids, can have a good life.

A documentary called the Demographic Winter has brought some

unique insights to the topic we have been discussing today.

In Part two of this documentary in one of the interviews one man said

that his response to the naysayers about the future and

how having so many children will cause harm,

and there will be more problems in the world, was this,

and I am paraphrasing, “My kids will grow up, and

they will make the difference and be the heroes so

the world doesn’t have more problems,

they will help find the solutions and even be the solutions themselves.”

Don’t think that having children is a death sentence,

there is joy in having children, and there are

unique blessings that come only with having children. Just breath.

The Family is the most important basic unit of society,

and marriage is at the heart of it. We need to defend it, and help it prosper.

We will shape the future with that mentality.

Lehi, a prophet in The Book of Mormon was troubled

about the future of his posterity. But he did not fear,

he was completing his responsibility when he said,

“I have spoken these few words unto you all, my sons,

in the last days of my probation;

and I have chosen the good part,

according to the words of the prophet.

And I have none other object save it be

the everlasting welfare of your souls, Amen.”

(2 Nephi 2: 30 emphasis added.) Lehi cared about his family.

Just breath my young friends.

Having children is an opportunity, a responsibility,

but also a joyous blessing. Do not let the number of how many kids you should

have trouble you. Do not let the world bring you down

and tell you that it is not worth it.

People are having less and less children because of these kind of thoughts.

There is not a rush for you to have 12 tribes of Israel,

but there is a push for you to thoughtfully think of the future

and your role in it as a Husband and Father for you young men,

and as a Wife and Mother for you young women.

So whether you have two, six, eight, or even 10 kids,

whatever you are able to have, they will be a

blessing unto you in unimaginable ways. You have the power to shape the future.

Just breath, everything is going to be alright, the Family is what Eternity is all about,

and in this you have the potential to raise a righteous posterity, that will,

because of you and your example make the world a much better place.

Just breath.

About Me

My name is Alma Parraga, but you can just refer to me as Brother Alma. I am married to my beautiful and amazing wife Melissa, she is the light of my life, my best friend, and my everything.

I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and as it says in my bio, I am proud to be so. I have a strong testimony about my beliefs. If you wish to know more about The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints I invite you to visit lds.org and mormon.org.

 I am currently a student at BYU-Idaho and pursuing my Bachelor's degree in Philosophy with a minor in Marriage and Family Studies. Eventually I want to obtain a PhD in Religion and teach at one of the BYU Universities. My emphasis will be in the New Testament, but I also want to teach religious courses that talk about preparing for and building an Eternal Marriage.

Here is a disclaimer:
I am not a blogger. I have no idea how to blog. This is the honest truth.

I will be posting a weekly blog on the topics I will be learning about in one of my classes I am taking this semester. I do not claim to be an expert in this field, because I am not. But I do hope that whatever I share will at least help anyone interested in these topics and help them to have better Family Relations in their own lives.

Let us dive in together, and learn new things along the way.

Welcome to Family Relations 101 with Brother Alma.