House Rules

Do you remember when you went to the super market with your family and you wanted something and asked if you could have it, but the answer was no?

Do you remember when you found out a cousin did something and you wanted to talk about it but you always got that look from your mom that meant, "Don't you even dare"?

There is something about those kind of experiences that just ends up embedded in your system doesn't it?

Here's an activity, take out a sheet of lined paper. Emphasis on lined. I want you to write down all the rules you grew up with, both the spoken rules and the unwritten rules. And for the youth I want you to write down the rules that are spoken and unwritten in your home currently.

Have fun with this activity, put exclamation marks, emojis, make this list fun, even if some of the rules cause you to get a little uneasy.

Once you start you will find that there is so much more you could write, or so much more that you don't even remember. You'll also find rules that you really like or liked, and some rules you absolutely dislike or disliked. Now I am not telling you youth that you can show this to your parents as a manifesto and say, "I like these but I'm not going to follow these," nope that is not the point of this activity.

I want you to dig deep, think, "why did I have this rule?" "Why do I like this one?" "Why do I dislike that one?" Take this time to have a personal reflection. When you "grow up" and have a family of your own, you are going to bring your house rules with you, and so will your spouse. (You'll also find that before you get married you will have a similar but not an in-depth conversation about this subject.) Together you will be finding which rules you share in common, and which rules you didn't share in common. Then the tricky but fun part, which rules will make up your house rules, and which won't make the cut. You will also be coming up with rules of your own, and alterations of ones you are already used to. And these rules will transform over time as your kids get older, at least some of the rules will.

This activity is one that you can carry with you for a lifetime. It is a good way to remember memories, evaluate yourself, and also see where your family is at. You could even try this activity with your future children, see what they have to say about it, you'll have a laugh about it.

Now, a few notes on something I truly believe. Sometimes at our young age we think that rules are so restrictive. We have so many limits and boundaries right. We can't do anything we want right. It isn't fair right.
No my friends, these things that I have used as examples are not true.
We can't think that way.
I am a firm believer that rules are to keep us safe, help us become better people, and they do not limit us.
Now I am using the term "rules" loosely here, because I am referring more to Commandments. Commandments do not limit us nor restrict us, they actually make us free.
Free from what you ask, evil, mistakes, and places we don't want to end up in.
Now we don't need to do wrong to know it is wrong, sometimes this happens when we make mistakes, but this doesn't mean we have to make the mistake to know something is wrong. I know I just went in a circle, I just want to make sure it sticks in your mind.

The rules at home, whether spoken or unwritten are to keep us safe and steady. They also teach us accountability and responsibility. The rules should teach us the expectation, the consequence, and the reward. It isn't rocket science. And you will find that as you start your own family, you will have a better understanding about rules, even when you choose the ones that will become your house rules, and which ones will not make the cut. Make it worthwhile, and remember that these things were made for your good, and you will want to do the same for your children. You want to make sure that they understand what is expected, but that they also know that they are loved and protected by you the parents.