At another time we will discuss Married Life and Family Life. Today we will focus on a specific part of Married life. There are many forms of intimacy in marriage, but today we will mainly focus on sexual intimacy. But I will only be using the term intimacy as we talk. This will be our road map: Preparing for Marital Intimacy, and Intimacy and Fidelity in Marriage.
Preparing for Marital Intimacy
The Lord has shared with us His standard on how we prepare for intimacy in marriage. It is by that standard that we should abide by. His standard does not mean that we participate in sexual relations before marriage to be prepared for that marriage. The Law of Chastity is the law that the Lord has set. Now I have heard, and I have seen that when this subject is brought up, we have developed a negative connotation attached to that law, and to intimacy in general. As we have mentioned before, the Laws, Commandments, and Rules that have been set by the Lord do not restrain or restrict us. They do in reality bring us happiness, joy, and freedom. We must be the examples for the future generations when it comes to this subject. We must prepare them accurately and appropriately when it comes to intimacy in marriage. For example as I grew up the word "sex" was seen as a bad word or something dirty. With this as our guide we think that is what intimacy is, bad or dirty. I understand that the opposite may occur, that some become curious about intimacy instead of "revolting it." If I may, I offer this suggestion; when we teach about intimacy that we say something like this, "Sex isn't bad. What is inappropriate is to participate in pre-marital sexual relations," Then explain why. Also consider when teaching about intimacy the age of whom we are teaching.
This background information is what happens when you are not taught about intimacy in a positive way. Your perspective of intimacy will not be accurate if based in this negative way. You will not be able to enjoy intimacy with your spouse with this mentality. One of the best ways to prepare for marital intimacy is changing your perspective on it, to reflect a positive outlook on it.
Another way to prepare for intimacy, is communicating openly and honestly in an appropriate way with your future spouse. The communication is not meant to be explicit or to produce natural thoughts and feelings, but to express individually and as a couple your understanding of what will occur intimately once you are married.
There are many other ways to prepare for intimacy in marriage, but I would like to offer one more suggestion before we move on. This suggestion is: help one another (you and your future spouse), to save the most intimate part of yourselves for when you are married. This is done by establishing that boundary and living by it as your life depended on it. This does not mean that you can't participate in appropriate forms of affection with one another, or feel guilty for wanting and showing affection for your significant other. This promise is an expression of your love and commitment to one another. Keeping the Eternal Perspective on your minds will help you keep each other clean.
Intimacy and Fidelity in Marriage
A few remarks on intimacy:
Once you are married, you are permitted to participate in sacred acts of intimacy. These sacred acts of intimacy are for you and your spouse only. Sexual Intimacy is a very important part of marriage but it is not the most important part, or what should drive the marriage. Intimacy is the highest of expressions of physical love. Take care of this part of yourselves, and nurture it. It is not supposed to be carnal in any nature, because intimacy comes from Heaven Above. You, your Spouse, and the Lord will dictate what is appropriate when it comes to these sacred acts between each other.
A few words on fidelity:
Fidelity means to be completely and utterly faithful, loyal, and committed to your spouse. You are completely faithful in every way, such as being faithful spiritually, emotionally, and physically. As many Latter-Day Prophets have taught, our focus, our minds, and our hearts, do not linger, entertain, or flirt with anyone but our spouse. Fidelity in Marriage is of most importance. When you are married you must protect your marriage from outside forces that can put your marriage in jeopardy. Marriages are not immune from these outside forces. But what marriages can do is fortify themselves so that infidelity does not creep in subtly or totally. Infidelity comes in many forms. There are detached forms of emotional and physical infidelity. An example of detached emotional infidelity is having inappropriate thoughts about anyone other than your spouse, whether someone you know, or someone from fantasy. And a detached form of physical infidelity is that of something visual, not something created in your mind but something visual that you see. Examples of attached forms of emotional and physical infidelity are starting a romantic relationship with someone other than your spouse or having a sexual relationship with someone other than your spouse. My friends, unfortunately and sadly these things occur, and they should not.
Make commitments today with the Lord to help you fortify yourselves to not fall into these traps. And if you are married, not only make commitments with Lord to fortify yourselves, but also to your spouse to help fortify your marriage so that infidelity does not occur. It is important to talk about these things with your spouse. You will create boundaries together, and understand each other and prevent these catastrophes.
Be faithful and true to one another always, and you will find strength from on High to keep your promises to each other.
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