The Importance of Council in our Marriages and Families

I once conducted a survey among extended family members and relatives about what they feel is the most important aspect of marriage was for them. The list ranged from kindness, trust, love, and many other traits. But the consensus came down to, communication.The most essential and needed skill for the flourishing and strengthening of marriage was communication. Communication was (and is) the key to a successful marriage.  There is a great need for effective, loving, binding communication, within in marriage and in the family.

Communication is not much about talking but more about listening intently with our ears and with our hearts. Our conversations are to be genuine and full of sincerity. Our hearts are to be filled with love and not hostility. We with respect are to share our thoughts and feelings, and come to an understanding. There is no need for violent or vile tongues, for anger and contention will not get you anywhere. When there are disagreements in our marriages we need to remember that we are not perfect, we have our tempers and our different minds and perspectives. But the task is to become one, united, and reaching unanimous decisions together. This is a process and a huge part of a growing marriage. You and your spouse are two people learning to be on the same page, and learning to become one. Free from anger, and having an increase in love in all that you do and say.

A lot of the times, if not most of the times we need learn to take a step back and learn to council with one another instead of counsel one another. Now there is a difference believe it or not in those words. They can be used together which will be something to keep in mind with our topic today of the importance of council in our marriages and in our families. Communication is an essential part of those councils.

To make it as simple as possible, council deals more with whom we are meeting with and where advice will be given. Counsel more than anything is the advice being given. Council is more about working as a group, while counsel is personal direction. In a council our conversation is edifying and meant for both groups to deliberate and counsel together. I view council much more as working as a team. For example did you know that you can council with Lord. That doesn't mean that you are going to tell Him what to do. But working together you will be able to find the direction you need to be going. In these forms of dialogue it is about coming to a unanimous consensus instead of compromise.

As we have talked about before it is essential to continue to have regular meetings together as a marriage to discuss the four pillars. But it is also essential to have regular councils held with your spouse and with your family. These are different meetings (including the regular four pillars evaluation), and have their distinct purposes.

There are many types of councils that are found in your own home, but I will briefly go over three of them. I entitle them as first, a family council which is a council where the immediate family is involved, second a Marriage Council, which only involves the husband and wife, and thirdly a council which consists of parents with one child at a time, which can extend to one on one with one parent and one child. I will be quoting from President Ballard's talk in the April 2016 General Conference entitled "Family Councils". (If you would like more information you can look more into what he has to say in his talk entitled "Family Councils").

These councils are more formal than any other meeting. They are to be planned at a designated time. These councils as President Ballard teaches and invites in his talk, "should start with prayer, or it may simply be a natural extension of conversations already started in other things." I would invite that all these councils should start and end with a prayer, especially the marriage council. With prayer we are inviting the Lord to guide us and instruct us as we come to decision, or discussing plans and topics together.

In a Family Council, the parents lead together. It is a discussion and the topics may vary. Family council can be a time to plan for activities in the future and receive input from family members. Family Council could be a time where the environment is to announce some news so that the entire family is aware of what is going on and how the family will pull forward from there. This can mean that the parents have already come to a decision, or this can mean that the family will come to some decisions together.

In the marriage council, the four pillars can be discussed and evaluated. It is also a time the couple can discuss and go over their personal relationship, the needs of their children, and other topics that are to be discussed within the marriage. All of these councils are to be treated in a sacred matter, but it is highly sacred in the council between husband and wife. These councils are separate from dates, and they are separate from the to do list conversations, and discussions on financial matters (even though that is a very important conversation. In a council this subject can be discussed.)

Lastly the council between parents and a child, or one on one, is a time to directly council with the individual involved. Topics will also vary here depending on the needs and discussions between parents and child, or one on one.

Please do not forget the importance of communication in these councils. Later we will deeply explore the aspects of these councils, but for today the key is to apply the principles of communication as we have discussed them in our councils.